When Will You Be You Again, 7/30/90, By Riche' Richardson, Age 19

When Will You Be You Again, 7/30/90, By Riche’ Richardson, Age 19

When will the pain end?
When I die-completely
I say completely because
a part of me died a long time ago
centuries before I was born
and because sometimes I’m convinced that you really
do wish I’d die
or when we experience a rebirth
-a resurrection from our
seemingly perpetual nightmare?
When will my tears subside
When will I laugh again?
When will I watch my endless dream
Come to life, giving me life, becoming
my coveted reality?
When will I have social desirability
in keeping with your vision of
happiness and heaven on earth
-must I perish in a living hell?
When will you behold me as a
beautiful being again?
When will I not be a stumbling
block, secretly or unconsciously
Or overtly despised when I am in
your life, unsightly
in your eyes and unworthy
of your affection?
When will we have our time
together again?
Do I have to forever beg for and
borrow your time and be tolerated
and settled for as you inwardly
fantasize about your idealized
stepping stone
-An idealized stepping stone
Who will seemingly give you
security and freedom
and manhood that society
as a whole will not and
can not surrender
-only you can become the radical one
and set yourself free; you can only make
yourself yourself-a man for all seasons
When will you want me to be your mirror image again
-Must you deny that I am a reflection of who you are forever
When will you stop hating me for all that I am, in turn, hating
Yourself for all that you are?
When will you realize what we are?
When will you realize what I am-
that I am a woman-that I long
to be treated like a woman,
and that I want to be your woman
When will you want me again-as I am for
what I am?
When will my love be reciprocated
abundantly and willfully?
Do I have to be beaten and insulted and raped
and negated until the end of time-only because I can’t
stop hoping and praying that you’ll love me someday?
Do you really hate me for loving you?
Is this your way of showing me that you are hurting?
When will our reign as victims of ourselves and victims of
society end?
When will you be king again and when will I be queen?
Must we wait forever to perpetuate the legacy of our primal parents?
Must I always be the most despised, devalued, distressed woman
on earth?
When will I be free again?
When will I be free to be me again
Without the need or desire to celebrate the raping of my
foremothers; without the need or desire to glorify
borrowed beauty or bottled, borrowed beauty
-borrowed beauty, that makes me forget who I am-
where I am and where I’m from
borrowed beauty that reminds me that I am a remnant
of a broken home
borrowed beauty that I want you to love, yet hate
borrowed beauty that makes me wonder who I am
and who I want to be
-borrowed beauty that makes you celebrate and glorify the
raping of our foremothers
-borrowed beauty that outwardly gratifies me today
-borrowed beauty that makes me wonder what it was like
to have been born yesterday
-borrowed beauty that makes me wonder if there is really
hope for tomorrow
When will our beautiful brothers
and beautiful sisters unite again, knowing
that all of us are beautiful?
When will I be human again?
When can we join the world as
secure human beings
-human beings open to brotherhood and
sisterhood in terms of our global family
Because we have finally cultivated
unity and complete pride
in all aspects of our lives;
because we have our minds again
When will we realize and accept wholeheartedly
The magnitude of God’s love for everything that ever was
and for all that we are?
When will I know who I am again?
When will I know what you desire again?
When can I set your heart on fire again
and completely trust my heart in your hands
-knowing that you will not break it
-believing that it will remain intact
When will you kiss me again?
When will you hold me again?
When will you make love to me again
-loving me and giving me
all that is within you
planting the seeds of life
Must I be punished and doomed forever because
I am not what you dream about
Punished and doomed forever because I am not what you
Dream about being with and touching and
loving completely
Punished and doomed forever because I will not be forced into the
arms of another man?
Because I won’t be caressed by another man
Because I won’t be undressed by another man
Because I won’t be possessed by another man
I can’t be seduced by another man on earth
I really can’t concede
I want you to succeed
Must I celebrate celibacy forever?
Must I die a virgin
When can I trust you again?
When will I be free to shower
you with unmitigated respect
again
-free without external forces
that plot everyday
to dwarf you in all eyes, including
your own eyes, by trying to sever
the tenuous thread from which your
manhood is suspended?
When will you respect me again?
When will you stand for me again?
When will you stand by me again?
When will you talk to me again
and hold my hand
-must I forever harbor unfulfilled fantasies
of walking beside you as I walk and cry alone
My loving you can’t make you whole again;
yet, I give you my love anyway. When will it
be complete
Your loving you will only make you you again
Then you can love me again, completely,
without limitations, to the fullest extent
When will you love me again?
When will I be whole again, whole again, without
Limitations-as a woman to the fullest extent
When will you let me be me again?
When will you let me love me again?
completely-as a woman to the fullest extent?
When will you love you again?
And when will you be you again?